2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9 (CSB; She Reads Truth Bible)
For the last 12 years or so this is a verse that I have had to come back to over and over again. Many people speculate that Paul, the author of 2 Corinthians, had vision problems and that is what he is referring to early in this chapter. He talks about having a “thorn in the flesh” and asking the Lord to take it away. The response Paul gets is in verse 9; “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” At first reading this verse can be frustrating because I think we all want to be the one that has the story of being healed or having God show up in some major dramatic way during a trial. Knowing He might say no or not yet can be very discouraging. I remember hearing stories from friends of God doing some amazing tangible thing in their lives, like getting money in the mail from someone in their lives right when rent was due and they weren’t sure how they would pay it. I was so excited for them, but honestly there was a part of me that thought; why doesn’t God ever do something like that for me? I felt like there wasn’t any big dramatic way God had shown up in my life and I wondered why that was. When I started having health problems my Senior year of college I spent a lot of time asking for God to heal me or to give me answers with what was going on. As the healing didn’t come and my plans had to change drastically my prayers became; Why!? Why me? Why, after spending money and time would I need to drop out with one semester left? Why would God allow this to happen? I wanted to be a missionary after graduating and already had the plans in the works when everything in my life seemingly came crashing to a halt. I couldn’t possibly begin to understand what God was doing, and I was angry. I felt like He had abandoned me. When a good friend reminded me of this verse I remember being kind of annoyed. I didn’t want to be weak and sick or some example of the sufficiency of God’s grace. I wanted to be the person that had the amazing story of healing! Why couldn’t that be my journey? Honestly, I still am not 100% sure why God has continued to allow me to live with a chronic illness or face some of the trials I have faced in the last 12 years. I do know that if I had finished college and left for the mission field I wouldn’t have met my husband or have the two amazing kids I have. I wouldn’t have had the relationships, friendships, joys or heartaches that I have had to face. Everything that I have gone through in the last 12 years has made me so much stronger. It has allowed me to relate to people I never would have been able to relate to before and has given me a compassion for people that I couldn’t have had otherwise. My walk with God has grown in ways I don’t think it could have otherwise. I have to depend on Him daily in ways I never did prior to getting sick. I still deal with frustration and anger, but I am reminded how much God loves me and how much he has taught me and the anger fades. I have gotten answers, not always the ones I want, but God has answered those prayers in His time. I may never be fully healed while I walk this earth, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay. I have grieved the life I thought I would have while thanking God for the life He has blessed me with. God’s grace is sufficient even when it doesn’t feel that way. My weaknesses cause me to be more dependent on God then I probably would have been otherwise. His power resides in me in the subtle ways of meeting my daily needs or giving me the strength to get out of bed when I am having a bad day physically. It might not be the big stories that other people have and are blessed with, but that’s okay. I need the small daily reminders of God’s presence and power in my life. Like the Lord says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Lean on Him, He is strong enough to hold you.
-Jackie
A Life Imperfect 